Death is not the end

   I used to think that life stopped when someone died. Today is the 8th anniversary of my mamaw's death. It is no secret that after her death I experienced a major personality change. The last few weeks of my mamaw's life she was in a nursing home. Every day I would try and visit her. On her last day February 7, 2011 I had errands to do before visiting her. That day I had decided to visit the library. Then mom and I got the dreaded call from the nursing home. Mamaw had passed a half hour earlier. Doing the math I realized that her time of death was the same time I had arrived at the library. "How could I of been so selfish?" "IF only I had been there, she wouldn't of died alone." "How could I let this happen?" For years these were my thoughts. For so many years I blamed myself for her passing alone. The only thing that brought any comfort to me was the thought that she was now safe in the arms of Jesus. Cancer could no longer ravage her body and cause her pain and suffering.
   As the years passed I grew to hate the month of February more and more. I became more of a perfectionist trying never to mess up. No more mistakes in hopes of easing my guilt for not being there for my Mamaw's last hours. Every anniversary I began to go deeper into myself. Then slowly as I became more involved in my new church family I began to learn and see that death is a natural part of life. These people greived but their life didn't stop and mine didn't have to either. They showed me I dont have to live in the past and I'm not trapped there any more. I don't have to feel guilty any longer and that my mamaw would not want me to be trapped in the past. She was always a strong and independent woman and she would want me to be the same. She would want me to live life to it's fullest.
   In the past two years on the anniversary of her home going I have learned to live life. Today instead of despairing I taught school for half a day ( mamaw I finally became a teacher), spent the afternoon in self care, had a few good laughs with friends and found a cool new spot to hang out at.
   Yes I still miss my mamaw and think about her every day. Yes, winter and February are still difficult for me but no longer do I sit numb to all feeling or just cry out in misery wishing that I could of gone too. I am living my life one day at a time never giving up hope.

" I'll love you forever and ever"

-Mona Thatcher-

Reminders From a Movie

     Often times my greatest inspiration comes from movies. I just recently saw "Mary Poppins Returns." In the movie Mary Poppins has returned to once again take care of the Banks children ( and not just the younger generation this time but the older as well). She has come to teach the new generation how to be children and the elder generation how to remember the wonder that life can hold.
     This movie served as a reminder that I need to be true to myself and remember the wonder that life still holds. As an adult I often get caught up in my duties and responsibilities that I forget to look for the wonder in life.
     A few months ago I embarked on a new journey in life. I moved 4.5 hours away from my home town to teach school in the town of Bradford PA. Being the new teacher in town I am naturally very cautious. I don't want to offend anyone by saying or doing the wrong thing. But perhaps in tying so hard to do my job right and make sure I dont mess up I have forgotten who I truly am. I have been so uptight and so afraid of messing up I've forgotten the kid in me. I've forgotten how to let loose in a good way and let people see who I really am. I need to just be me again and allow the playful child in me to come out again. It's time to forget about all the maybe's and the what if's and just live life to the fullest, and who knows what will happen. Perhaps i'll discover something wonderful and new about life just like the Banks children!

It is now the week before school starts. It has been a crazy week between setting up my classroom and doing VS work in between. At Chestnut Street we use mainly Light Units from CLP so this involves learning a new curriculum for me, ripping and sorting out tests for each unit and each grade and organizing them as well as lesson planning for the first few weeks of school.  Thankfully I had help in the form of two amazing ladies ( Kayla, a personal worker ...she also made my uniforms for school) and Cami ( one of the daughters of the host family). I also owe a huge shout out to my co-teacher ( Nina) next door in 3rd & 4th grade for letting me steal her post it notes constantly ( I now have my own set of multi-colored post it notes). It is amazing to think back on all that has gone into preparing this classroom. I still wonder if I am forgetting to do something haha!  None of this would of been possible with out team work. No teacher can function alone. Teachers need each other and assistants  to get everything accomplished. Please continue to pray for me and my fellow teachers this year as we shape the mind of the future. Monday is open house and Wednesday we begin school!

until next time

Desiree

                                       
                                                 The wonderful Miss Nina

                 
                                                       Miss Nina teaches 3rd & 4th grade

 
                                                         
                                 My own post it notes with an adorable post it note holder

 The amazing Kayla who helped me organize my Math text book ( which was loose bound) and some of my Light Units.

                                                     
                                                         My wall outside  my door

Section for praises and Tallys

VS unit life

Its been a half a week since I moved 4.5 hours north from my home in Hagerstown MD to Bradford PA to teach school and live in the VS unit. Life here seems almost a dream. In some ways I really like it and in other ways it is odd. Growing up I never had a large family or brothers and sisters so the family dynamics are all new to me. It's interesting to watch a family of 8 from day to day. In the VS unit there are 13 of us. The host family and 4 volunteers. We all seem to get along pretty well so far. The VS unit house is often a busy place with the church and house and school all in one place there are always people coming in and out. In all there are 13 of us. The host family (8) and us teachers and personal workers {4} Most days I get up go down stairs for breakfast and then head over to the school to work on my room which is buried in text books right now. I usually spend about 4 hours in my room setting it up and working on school things. So far I have it decorated, and half my text books sorted out.. I'm missing some curriculum still but I guess that can get sorted later. Anyways back to VS life. Really its like everything I've always wanted. I always look at families like Full house and wonderd what it would be like to live like that. Now I finally have my chance. I have a job that holds to the same values I do. This will be an interesting year for sure. Tomorrow is my first Sunday at Bradford mennonite church. I miss my church family back home but I am excited to meet my new one.

Till next time

Desiree 

Humbled

God is always one step ahead of me for which I am grateful. Almost six months ago I broke my right femur. Because of this break I acrued many assistive devices  some of which are quite large and take up a good ammount of room in our small duplex. Many weeks ago I had called the Lions club to come pick up these items because I no longer needed them. Well the Lions club never called me back (much to my annoyance). So ive been grumping the past few weeks about how the house is a wreck because of all these things. Then I get the message that my cousin Erin had been in a bad accident and had several broken bones. Then I realised she will need assistive devices...I no longer need them but she does. I am so glad that the man from the Lions club never called me back. So glad God is always one step ahead. Once again I have been humbled.

Handicapped Accessable

America prides itself on accommodating those with handicaps. Our nation has handicapped parking, handicapped doors, we even have laws in place to help prevent discrimination in the work place against those with physical handicaps. However it is not enough. This became very apparent to me this last October when I broke my right femur. After two weeks in the hospital I was released to go home. Going out into the real world was scary...even with my walker. The first few weeks outings were very difficult. Often times I would need to go to doctor's appointments or the grocery store and there were very few handicapped parking spots avaliable. Often times mom ( mom played cheuffer as I could not drive) would have to circle the parking lot two or three times to find a handicapped spot. Often times at stores the closest spots were reseved for employee of the month or president of the store or even expecatnat mothers. Do not misunderstand me . I think that all these positions are important espcially the expectant mother, however I do not think that these spots should take place over handicapped parking.

A Broken Leg

If not for a broken leg I never would not of realized how much I was loved.

If not for a broken leg I wouldn't of gotten to see my little cousin off to the marines.

If not for a broken leg family would not of grown closer.

If not for a broken leg I would not of made new friends and re connected with old ones.

A broken leg is teaching me balance. I cannot be all wrapped up in work and ignore my life, I cannot be all wrapped up in home and my life and ignore work. There must be balance.

A broken leg is teaching me to slow down and not let life pass me by so quickly.

A broken leg has shown that even in disaster something good can come from it.

A broken leg is showing me other aspects of life.